SEVEN HUNDRED AND TEN
Seven hundred and ten days ago, but it seems like just yesterday because shock from that days grip is only now starting to let go.
I have been in slow motion since the words of your exit were sent.
Stretching through radio waves and into the earpiece of my phone, which to this day doesn’t feel like it ever came to an end. Specifically regarding that feeling and sudden realization, your lights won’t flicker again.
I do take deep breaths way more these days, since regardless of the way I am feeling, a new minute will always be on its way.
I am learning the art of retraining myself to apologize almost immediately after I know I have done or said something harmful and unfelt; I ask for forgiveness with honest and graceful intent.
My goal is to be available to show concern and walk away.
Except when the situation calls for action directly to prevent any relationships, there is a need for future mend.
Or another person’s existence is a forever-felt absence.
So I am now practicing letting go of old resentments that are making me sick.
I have to tell you something.
With your death, I birthed resentment.
This is not something I say with my head held high.
In fact, when I just said that, a little more of my pride died.
I can’t believe I am angry at someone who now can’t defend their decisions made while they were here and alive.
I am investing my time in walking through the memories we shared in this life’s timeline.
I just needed to tell you that I forgive you for making up your own mind.
I forgive you for being selfish with your life.
I let go of this anger, as it has not proven to be justified.
I welcome your visit and accept however that may look.
Still, I can’t believe it’s been almost two years since your life closed its book.
Till the next chapter, this is not the end; this is to be continued.
Where?
Well, now that is in God’s hands.
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